Owl on the Prowl

Well said, Aerosmith.

Marc Bowlin, for the fourth time in a row, has lost in league finals…by 13 pins…no thanks to me. I am irate and I suck.

After the game we were sitting around joking about how if we had lost by 1 pin, we would have all gone home and committed suicide. We would be in all the papers, “Marc Bowlin’ had Suicide Pact”. Oh well, there’s always next season…ugh.

So I’m sitting here watching America’s Funniest Home Videos and I am wondering why all the videos look like they’re from 1986. Don’t people with digital cameras get rammed in the nuts or into bmx accidents?

                

                      Lunch Thursday: Chili Slaw dog from Bark in Park Slope

            

Lunch Friday: Free (cause of my beauty) Vanilla Mister Softee dipped in Chocolate

         

Lunch Saturday: Frito Pie (not pictured), Cheesy Poofs, Twizzlers and Malibu Soda

           ***I think I will be eating salad for the next week. I feel sick :P***

I caught a train, I met a dame. She was a hamster.

Apparently this dame was not a hamster. She was a hepster. AHA! The omnipresent hipster strikes again.

They make the ugliest shoes on earth, period.

We need someone to marry us on October 9th. It doesn’t have to be official (we are getting married at city hall beforehand) we just need someone that can come up with something official sounding. Can you or someone you know please help???

Yesterday was our bowling league semis. I stopped at Mama Rose’s to get a slice and some garlic knots on my way there. As I was getting ready to leave, this total mafioso looking dude (extremely tan with slick black hair) says to me, “Is that really a bowling ball in there?” I tell him yes and that I am on my way to bowl in my league. He still doesn’t believe me. i tell him I have a 146 average. He says that that’s pretty good, he himself has a 189 average…he’s bowled a few perfect games…down in Florida. Maybe he could be on our team. He was funny.

In case you care, I did alright the first game with a 125 (not great by my high standards) and then dominated the last game with a 177. I am a very emotional bowler. If I am not doing well, I don’t wanna high five. What’s there to high five about? I am more concerned with my personal performance rather than my team’s…although, I want us to win. I am also extremely slow. There must be no one else bowling in my viewing range. So basically, at The Gutter, I wait until I am the only one bowling. I need full concentration. I have tried to rush and go before a non-leaguer. You know what happens? I start right after they release the ball, and then as I am releasing my ball, their drunken friends start screaming like banshees cause they got 3 pins down. This, of course, results in me getting 3 pins down and enrages me. I must wait…for the sake of my average and the people I am playing with. It’s nothing personal, I just wanna do well. I love all my opponents!

Anyway, I don’t know why I shared any of that with youse cause that is not what I wanted to talk about. I wanted to talk about the Hasidic couple that was at the lanes watching us play our Gentile sport. It was about 11:30 in the pm when I noticed the couple. What were they doing there? Why were they out so late? (Call me close-minded but I never imagined the people of this particular religious persuasion to be night owls but I am always proven wrong when I see them at 1am on a Monday on Broadway…what are they doing out?!?!?) Were they doing a little spy work for their family-checking out new investments? (The Hasidim are really into property in the Williamsburg area…they own EVERYTHING…and they rent to all the hipsters…and they are making a GD fortune) I wish they woulda rented some damn shoes and bowled a couple frames. You will be the first to know if a Hasidic bowling alley opens in the neighborhood. Playing only the best Matisyahu and serving the finest Gefilte Fish and Manischewitz.

I just went down to my local supermarket, Food Dimensions (not to be confused with the Food Bazaar where my bike got stolen from), to get some gross-rees for the week. On my way there I saw a woman holding her 3 year old by the elbow and telling him to hurry up and pee…on one of those columns that holds up the train station…out of doors….in the street…at 2:30pm. I saw his weiner.

I need to get out of this neighborhood.

“Ooh-ooh That smell. Can’t you smell that smell? Ooh-ooh that smell. The smellyness around youuuuu!”

(that is what I used to think Ronnie Van Zant was saying…actual lyric- The smell of death surrounds you…way hesher)

While we are on the subject of classic rock, let me tell you about about Night Moose, a short lived Raleigh band.

“Night Moose. What’s that?” you may be asking. Well, apparently, this guy Russ was hanging out with a dude one night, listening to Seger probably getting stoned and detsaw. This  guy asked Russ, ” Workin on our night moose…what the fuck does that mean?” After what I can only imagine as hours of laughter, Russ decided to start a Seger cover band named Night Moose. Good Times!